


Close Your Pretty Eyes, My Butterfly

by TheCourtSorcerer



Series: Merthur Drabbles & One Shots [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (if this counts as that), (morgana literally is not anywhere in this fic, Again no actual death, Ambush, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Confessions, Good morgana, Happy Ending, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Memory Loss?, Near Death Experiences, No Beta, Non canon compliant, Panicked Merlin, Unbeta'd, Violence, assumed death, because she's good), but no actual character death, i just wanted to clarify the battle with her doesn't exist here, kind of, not explicitly stated but, not sure if that deserves a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28254249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCourtSorcerer/pseuds/TheCourtSorcerer
Summary: A strange look filled his eyes, as he stared up at Merlin. Merlin saw his lips move, but no voice followed the movement. Tired blue eyes started to shut, and terror spilled down Merlin’s face in the form of hot tears. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be… Wasn’t how it was meant to end… There was so much they didn’t get to do! So much Merlin didn’t get to say…“Fuck, Arthur,stay awake!” Merlin ordered, his voice breaking in defiance of his will.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Drabbles & One Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2052750
Comments: 11
Kudos: 203
Collections: Merthur Fics





	Close Your Pretty Eyes, My Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> I saw something that said Merlin would let the world burn for Arthur, and that along with the song Butterfly's Repose inspired me to write this while I was doing dishes. 
> 
> Title from Butterfly's Repose

Dammit, he _told_ Arthur they shouldn’t have gone hunting alone.

The ambush happened so sudden, so fast, neither Arthur nor Merlin could have predicted it. There were sorcerers, maybe three? Merlin wasn’t sure, they moved so fast trying to avoid his and Arthur’s attacks while striking their own simultaneously. They shouldn’t have been able to overpower them, but they were strong. Angry. Starving for vengeance in the form of assassination.

Merlin was stunned, for one. Since legalizing magic, this was the first attack they’ve had. Apparently, these sorcerers hadn’t got the message Arthur wasn’t his father. Or perhaps they still blamed him for his father’s crimes. Merlin shook his head, he needed to focus. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur run one sorcerer through with his sword, said sorcerer letting out a gasping cough with wide eyes as the life was drained from him. He was quickly pulled back to focus when the sorceress he was engaging with shot an attack at him in the form of flame, and letting his magic flow free out of him on instinct he threw her back against a tree with such force that he cringed at the sickening crack that sounded when she made contact.

He never liked killing, and it wasn’t that he had meant to, but sometimes he underestimated his own power or he was in a situation where it was the only option. Both of those conditions seemed to apply now.

Merlin stared at the woman’s limp body for a moment too long, a sense of disgust running through himself as he processed that he _killed her_ , that he killed _one of his own_. It wasn’t like it was anything new. It just was one of those things a person doesn’t really get used to, he supposed. Which was good, kind of, in the sense that one shouldn’t have to get used to it. Unfortunately, these things tended to happen much to frequently for Merlin’s liking. He shuddered slightly before finally turning away. He never liked killing… Forgetting about the third sorcerer, the warlock turned around to look at Arthur, to ask if he was hurt, only to stop. Frozen. Turned to stone in his place at the sight he saw before him.

“Merlin…” Arthur gasped, stumbling a few steps forward before his knees seemingly gave out on him and he collapsed to the hard forest ground. Merlin, horror coursing through his veins, rushed towards him, catching him just in time as he dropped to his own knees with the king.

Merlin immediately began inspecting his body for injury, only to find none. He could only assume the last sorcerer, who was nowhere to be seen, hit him with some sort of spell that left no physical mark. It was the only explanation, for he had no visible injury, yet Merlin could feel his pulse start to slow and breath grow ragged and thin. He looked so tired… Merlin could see he was struggling to keep his eyes open, and it made his own burn with fear.

“Arthur… You prat, stay awake,” the warlock gasped, his voice no louder than a whisper as the blonde’s breath hitched. Arthur just blinked a few times, trying to inhale deeply, instead wheezing as he struggled to fill his lungs.

A strange look filled his eyes, as he stared up at Merlin. Merlin saw his lips move, but no voice followed the movement. Tired blue eyes started to shut, and terror spilled down Merlin’s face in the form of hot tears. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be… Wasn’t how it was meant to end… There was so much they didn’t get to do! So much Merlin didn’t get to say…

“Fuck, Arthur, _stay awake_!” Merlin ordered, his voice breaking in defiance of his will.

A broken, breathless wheeze that vaguely resembled a laugh left Arthur, as he gazed at Merlin through barely open eyes. “’M your…king, Merlin…You ca…Can’t…” His voice broke off with a gasping breath, “can’t order me—”

“Shut up, shut up! _Shut up_!” The raven demanded, blinking rapidly as if that would stop the sobs threatening to break from his throat. “Dammit, just listen to me, _once!_ And stay the fuck _awake_! You can’t—you _can’t die like this!_ ”

Arthur took another gasping breath, his lips twitching up in a pained smile as his eyes slowly opened. “’M not…dying… _Mer_ lin… ‘ll be, I’ll be…fine…” He murmured, his voice so low Merlin had to strain his ears to hear, “Jus’… jus’ a little hard...to breathe… just... tired.”

“Do you even hear yourself? And you call me the idiot!” Merlin let out a cynical laugh, a sound full of pain and devoid of humor. “Fuck, _Arthur_ , keep your damn eyes open!” He snapped when Arthur’s eyes started to fall shut again. This time, the king didn’t listen, and in his haze of panic Merlin swore to any gods listening that if by some miracle they made it out of this and Arthur survived he would never keep a thing from the king again, he would tell him everything, he would confess his love, he would never keep another secret, so long as he got to see this man breathing and smiling again.

“ _I love you.”_

The words were no more than a breathless whisper, but they made Merlin’s world come to a crashing halt, as Arthur’s eyes finally shut and his breathing seemingly stilled. He had… His words… His final words, his last… He…

“No… No, Arthur,” Merlin whimpered, his tear-reddened eyes wide, “ _Arthur_! Arthur, _wake up_! You fucking _asshole_ , wake up! How _dare you do this to me?!_ You bloody awful, despicable prat!” He was shouting now, but he didn’t care. The only person he cared heard him was… was…

“ _Goddammit!”_ He yelled, clutching the body of his king close, too far gone in his panic to feel his weak but still there pulse and the barely visible rise and fall of his chest. “No! _NO!_ This isn’t _right!_ This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! I love you! I love you; I love you; I’m so sorry, _fuck,_ no! Don’t _leave me like this!_ Don’t do this, don’t! Don’t _do this!_ Arthur, _please wake up!”_

His screams turned to desperate pleas. He sobbed and begged and begged and begged, until his throat was raw and voice hoarse, and he could do no more than hold the man in his trembling embrace.

Then, there was a snap. Merlin’s gaze snapped to the source. Bloodshot blue eyes met cocky brown ones. A moment of silence passed, eye-contact unbroken, then brown eyes glowed gold and something in Merlin realized this man was the reason Arthur was limp in his arms.

Red hot fury filled his gaze, and Merlin remembered nothing after…

* * *

The king’s head ached when he woke—actually, he realized with a groan as he sat up slowly, his whole body ached, for reasons he couldn’t identify. He could breathe, though, he noted with much relief. He blinked a few times, stretching his arms, before the scene around him came into focus and a chill ran down his spine.

Around him, the trees which had surrounded him before were now ripped from the ground and appeared to have been blown backwards a significant distance. The once heavily wooded space, now looking more like an empty clearing. Branches were scattered everywhere, and he noticed the ground felt damp, as if it had been raining even though he was sure it had been nothing but sunny the whole time. The bodies of the two sorcerers he recalled he and Merlin taking out were out of sight, but he was sure they were dead so they couldn’t be _gone_. Maybe pushed back with the trees… Wait.

Merlin. _Merlin!_ Oh, _no…_ He looked around frantically for the warlock, an icy bucket of dread being poured over him as his eyes landed on a man not far away from himself. He laid broken and bloody, lifeless, on the new-wet-clearing ground, a look of pure terror frozen in his brown eyes and a scent vaguely resembling burned flesh in the air. He briefly recognized him as the man who’d cast him into his death-like sleep… He recalled the man saying something about a boss, a bounty, and a cell with his name on it before casting an enchantment that he whispered to Arthur would put him into a dead-sleep to make for easy transport, he recalled him implying he would do the same to Merlin… Merlin who, he suddenly remembered, thought he was dying. Merlin who refused to believe when he tried to assure him, he wasn’t… Merlin who begged him to stay awake… Merlin who he’d never seen so terrified… Merlin, _fuck,_ where was he?

Arthur tore his gaze from the dead man and continued scanning the area until he finally spotted Merlin, collapsed and unconscious, maybe a meter from the dead sorcerer. It dawned on him, at that moment that _Merlin_ did this. Then, it hit him even harder that Merlin did this because _he thought Arthur was dead_. A rush of guilt coursed through him, along with one of excitement at the idea Merlin cared so deeply about him (which only brought another rush of guilt at the thought of being joyous when Merlin had clearly been in great anguish), and he slowly struggled to his feet, his body screaming at him to sit his ass back down. He ignored his body, though, of course, in favor of walking to his friend. When he arrived at his unconscious body Arthur dropped to his knees beside him.

“Oh, Merlin…” He said softly, his voice rough, as he leaned down and placed a hand on his cheek gently. He stroked his cheek for a moment, just staring at him. He looked exhausted, and paler than usual. Neither of them looked too great… Merlin must have used a lot of energy and power, though. _For him…_ Arthur sighed at the thought, closing his eyes for a brief moment before pulling his hand back. “ _Let’s go home_ …”

Then, he carefully lifted the warlock into his arms, similarly to how one may carry his bride, and stood. He again ignored the shouts of outrage from his body and just started walking in what he prayed was the right direction to Camelot.

* * *

_“…erlin…”_

_“…’m on…”_

_“…Merl…”_

_“…ake up…”_

_“…Merlin!”_

With a sharp gasp, molten gold eyes shot open as Merlin found consciousness again. Slowly, gold faded back to brilliant blue, and Merlin blinked hard a few times before taking in his surroundings in confusion. This… This wasn’t the forest? Why was he in his bed? Why was Gaius looking at him like that, like he just came back from dead? Why was Arth—wait—

“ _Arthur_!” Merlin exclaimed, the memories of the ambush and him seemingly dying in his arms rushing back as his eyes landed on the very-much living King sitting on the edge of his bed. Without really thinking about what he was doing first, Merlin launched himself at the other man. Arthur let out a loud yelp as Merlin clung to him tightly, as if he would disappear if Merlin let go. Which, honestly, Merlin feared he would. He buried his face into Arthur’s neck, frantically blinking away tears as he gripped the back of the blonde’s tunic like it was his lifeline.

When he felt Arthur’s arms wrap around him in response, his tense shoulders drooped and he forgot about trying to hold back how he felt. He knew Arthur could feel his tears on his neck, but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Arthur was alive… _Arthur was alive!_ A broken, laugh-laced sob tore through him, and he forced himself to pull away. He stared at Arthur’s face, taking in every little detail and committing it to memory before suddenly letting go of him, only to grab his face and crash their lips together in a desperate kiss. He felt Arthur tense in shock for a moment, before he felt him kissing back with equal urgency, and desperation.

It was a rough kiss, lacking care and precision, but it expressed so much just the same. The two clung to each other like they had nothing else, frantically trying to get closer and closer just to feel the rise and fall of the others chest, to hear the pounding of each other’s hearts. A desperate attempt to feel proof of the other living, as their lips moved harshly together, speaking so many words neither could find the correct way to say.

Then, there was an awkward, loud cough from the other side of the small room and suddenly Merlin was reminded they were not alone. He pulled away, gasping for air, with a flushed face that surely matched Arthur’s. They both turned to the old physician by the door, who was staring with that dreaded raised eyebrow.

He walked over and guided Merlin back into a laying position. “You need to be resting, now that you’ve come back to us,” Gaius paused before shooting Arthur a look, “ _Both_ of you.”

Arthur huffed softly, but Merlin just looked at Gaius in mild bemusement. “Come back to us? What do you mean?”

“Merlin, my boy,” Gaius sighed, “You seriously over-exerted yourself out there. When Arthur carried you, looking quite awful himself, you were hardly breathing. You used a great amount of strength, and it was taking a serious toll on you. I don’t know what you did out there, but it drained you severely. I tended to the king, but we could only wait for you to wake, it’s been two days. What did you do to use that much energy?”

Two days… Two days he was out cold? He didn’t… he couldn’t even remember what he did… How could he do so much and not even recall it? He shook his head, incredulous. “I… I don’t know… I can’t remember. The last thing I remember is,” he paused, glancing to Arthur, “is Arthur dying in my arms… But he’s alive? You’re alive? _How?”_

Gaius frowned deeply, his hands behind his back. Arthur just sighed.

“I _told you_ , Merlin, I wasn’t dying… It was just a really bad sleeping enchantment. It was meant to imitate death—to make use easier to transport, he was going to get you next, but fled when you killed the sorceress…” The king explained gently, “I don’t know what happened, in detail, but when I woke, I saw that you… Quite literally razed the forest when you thought I died.”

“I did?” Merlin asked, before suddenly flashes of recollection passed in his mind as he remembered bits in pieces, “Oh gods… I… I did… I thought you were dead… Then, he… He came back, and I just… I was so _angry_ ; I couldn’t control it… I killed him… I don’t—I don’t remember how, but I did… It was raining, pouring really, and there was thunder, and the trees… Oh gods, the trees, I uprooted them—”

“You created an empty clearing,” Arthur added. “It looked like you were on a war path, destroying anything in sight… All because you thought I was dead…”

Merlin looked away, feeling rather mortified by his actions. Gaius sighed from by the door.

“That would explain why you were so exhausted. You must have called upon a great deal of your magic to cause such destruction,” Gaius told him, “Merlin, you must be careful. You could have done serious damage to yourself.”

“I…” Merlin shook his head again, frowning as he remembered how he felt, “I didn’t matter… Nothing mattered… Arthur was dead—at least, I thought he was… I wanted the world to hurt, for letting him die… I was _so angry_. So _hurt…_ Arthur, you’re…I…”

Arthur just smiled softly at him in an attempt at reassurance. “Me too. And I swear I’m alive, I’m not going anywhere. No need to raze the world around us. Though, I’m a little flattered you’d go to such lengths just for me.”

“Shut up, you prat.”

“ _Make_ me.”

“I believe I have some errands to run… _Rest,_ you two.” Gaius left the room rather quickly for a man his age, just as Merlin tugged Arthur down into a heated kiss while the latter laughed in delight.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
